Ouch! Did that sting a little? Did you feel pissed when you saw that? Was there an initial reaction of denial and anger coming from you? Or did you go deeper into your self-pity party?
Well, DEAL WITH IT!
Did you ever wonder why you got to whatever point you are at now? What were the choices you made, the road you took to get to this point?
At some point we all hid our own heads in the sand and didn’t want to deal with the misfortunes that came our way. Reality bites at times but on the flip side it can be sweet. So if you keep hiding from all the bad stuff, you miss out on the good stuff as well.
What I mentioned here is quite obvious to many, but to the person who likes to play the big victim in life, they don’t see it that way. They are what you call Passive Aggressive.
What is passive aggressive you say? It’s a type of behaviour that can take on many forms but I’ll state to you the ones, I have witnessed or dealt with:
It’s the kind of person who deals with anger/hurt in a sly manner. They can’t tell you straight out that they are upset with you, annoyed, disappointed or insulted, but they always find a way to make you feel it and most importantly make you feel guilty about it. With dirty looks, the silent treatment or my favourite, they enlist someone else to do the confrontation for them.
What the passive aggressive person doesn’t realise is that nothing gets solved and you wind up with resentment between two people. What kind of life is that? Not a great one to be honest. It just pushes people away. It hurts people. It’s a sneaky way to abuse others because you are attacking them in an indirect manner. There is a great article that explains the various passive aggressive types: The Passive Aggressive Behaviour. You might recognise some in someone you know, or perhaps better yet, make you realise that you have been guilty of one of the tactics of passive aggressiveness.
I chose this topic because I am constantly seeing “victims” everywhere I go. No one wants to admit that perhaps they took steps and actions that made them wind up right where they are. Before you go off and point out the “bad guys” in your life, try thinking how come those “bad guys” got to you.
Now I am sure there can be a long discussion/debate/argument about scenarios of those real victims in life that got hurt. I am not going there with this. But if you want to, let’s imagine those predictable horror movies. You know the ones I am talking about? The girl who insists she’s okay and doesn’t have to be walked to her car late at night only to end up being attacked as she is unlocking her car door. Or, the classic one, where the girl runs upstairs instead of out the door. You see where I am getting at here don’t you? You scream at the screen saying how stupid that chick is.
Where is your audience for you when you make a daft decision? The audience is you. That voice that tells you that you might want to rethink that choice is probably right. Yet you are that dumb chick running stumbling, and screaming in the woods. All the while, your stalker/killer just strolls along quietly in the woods after you because he can hear you thrashing about. He doesn’t have to waste his breath running after you; you are making it easy for him! (I am speaking metaphorically here of course) Think back to all those choices you made, I am sure in hindsight you realise you could have made better choices.
The challenge is that, there are the less obvious scenarios and they are harder to see because you have wrapped yourself so tightly as the victim in all of this, all you can see is the “bad guys” and how unjust it is that they got away with it.
Face it and start by becoming aware of yourself in the story of your life. Your life! That’s your story; you write the passages in that book called your life so take control of your behaviour and your outlook (or perspective) and change it! Stop blaming everyone else for your hardships. “I hate my parents, they did this to me!” Isn’t going to stick forever.